Fundamentally, addiction represents a persistent, recurring condition distinguished by two key elements:
The uncontrollable pursuit of a substance (such as drugs or alcohol) or involvement in a specific behaviour (like gambling or sex).The ongoing utilisation of the substance or participation in the behaviour despite facing adverse consequences.
In my years of working with people struggling with addiction, I have never met anyone who has really chosen to become or remain addicted. Unfortunately, once addiction takes hold, it can lead to alterations in the brain chemistry and function in such a way that makes one more inclined to continue using the substance or engaging in the addictive behaviour.
In other words, the brain of the afflicted person is rewired in a way where they don’t exactly have free choice over their addictive substance or behaviour. This also explains why relapse is so common in addiction and recovery is a process that requires ongoing efforts by the recovering individual.
2. Only people who are flawed/ bad become addicted.
While genetic predispositions, trauma, and mental health issues can contribute to one’s vulnerability to developing an addiction, addiction affects people from all walks of life. This includes intelligent, moral, and accomplished individuals, and fellow human beings who are just as imperfect as you and me.
Unfortunately, the symptoms of addiction can indeed cause detrimental consequences which then leads to negative perceptions and stigma surrounding addiction. This only leads to shame and embarrassment for those afflicted with addiction. It also pushes them into further hiding of the problem and prevents them from seeking the help they need.
3. There is a single best solution and treatment for addiction.
Effective treatment takes into consideration the unique needs and circumstances of each individual. While there are best practices and evidence-based approaches, there is no one-size-fits-all treatment that can guarantee recovery success. A personalised, holistic strategy usually yields the best results.
Role of Relationships and Connection in Addiction Recovery
Addiction tends to leave a trail of damaged relationships filled with pain and broken trust. A person suffering from addiction may resort to behaviours
(e.g., lying, covering up, etc) that are hurtful to their family and friends.
Further, the repeated pattern of relapse that occurs in addiction creates deep disappointment, a sense of betrayal, and even feelings of shame and helplessness in family members and friends of the affected person.
On the other hand, the resultant reactions (e.g., anger, shunning) from family and friends possibly contributes to an afflicted person’s feelings of isolation and hopelessness. This results in a vicious cycle where the addiction continues
to erode the important relationships that matter dearly to one.
However, it has been consistently shown that establishing and maintaining positive relationships is crucial in the recovery journey. In fact, most times,
I have found that the antidote to long-term recovery from addiction is not merely maintaining abstinence but forming a true connection with oneself and others.
3 Ways to rebuild and build connections
1. Repairing Relationships
Rebuilding trust is a process that requires patience. It might be unrealistic to expect the wounds in relationships to heal once one has achieved abstinence.
As such, one of the first steps towards repairing relationships is perhaps not so much about expecting forgiveness from others, but through demonstrating a commitment to recovery and maintaining honesty and accountability.
Just as addiction recovery is a process for an afflicted person, healing, gaining an understanding of addiction, and eventually taking that step towards trusting again is a process for their loved ones.
2. Restorative Community Connection
Eliminating unhealthy relationships and establishing new, healthy friendships can be awfully scary and tiring, even for a person who is not fighting an addiction. It can feel rather isolating especially at the early stages of recovery. Forming healthy connections with others is, nonetheless, pertinent to a person’s recovery.
Here are ways to start building healthy connections during these initial periods:
1. Have a therapeutic relationship with a counsellor, therapist, or healthcare provider where one can seek guidance and find a safe space to explore, learn, and grow.
2. Join a recovery community/ support group that can provide individuals with a sense of belonging and support. Knowing that one is not alone in their struggle can be a pivotal and restorative ingredient in one’s recovery journey.
3. Reconnecting to Self
When an individual suffers from addiction, one usually experiences an inner disconnection from themselves where they can no longer connect with their own emotions and lose their sense of identity and purpose in life. Embarking on a courageous and therapeutic journey to explore the issues underlying their addiction and rediscover themselves can be a challenging yet rewarding step towards inner connection.
For those on the path of recovery, taking moments and developing simple practices to care for oneself can pave the way towards inner healing, self-compassion, and connection with self.
For some, a practice that can be easily incorporated into our daily lives is tea drinking. Tea-drinking, along with the soothing warmth and calming properties of tea, becomes a gentle reminder to pause, breathe, and savour the present moment. This also becomes an invitation to reflect and reconnect with oneself.
Embracing little moments with tea can offer a powerful sanctuary, a break from the turmoil while letting each sip be a step towards serenity, comfort, self-care, and recovery.
